


Reflection of my Soul

by cptnjtk



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Humor, Mirror Universe, Oblivious Jim, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 21:56:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17454980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptnjtk/pseuds/cptnjtk
Summary: Jim finds himself in five different realities that all seem to have one thing in common - Spock.(alternatively - five universes where spock and jim are t'hy'la & jim is oblivious to the fact that maybe they're meant to be)





	Reflection of my Soul

_"I'm not a little kid, Spock! I'm the Captain, okay? Captain! I would appreciate it if you stopped undermining my command aboard this ship!" Jim ranted as he stood on the transported pad._

_"I am hardly undermining your authority," Spock replied, and then added coldly, "sir."_

_"I don't have time for this. We can discuss this when I get back from the mission." Jim said, angrily._

_"Of course." The muscle in Spock's jaw twitched._

_"Fine!" Jim snapped, "energise."_

  
-

  
Jim felt himself materialise on the transporter pad and allowed himself to relax, shoulders slumping slightly as he released the tension in his body. Yawning, he stepped off the pad and greeted the ensign manning the transport console.

"Ensign Ying." Jim acknowledged with a tired smile and the young ensign beamed with a reply of "welcome back, sir!" Other than Ensign Ying, the room was empty. Odd. Spock was usually waiting in the room for his return. "Where's Spock?" He asked, unable to help himself. It was solely out of curiosity and nothing more, he tried to convince himself.

"With Leonard, I think." Ying replied, and then a look of sympathy crossed her features. "Poor fella wasn't feeling too great after you left."

Spock was with Bones? That was... odd, to say the least. Jim considered the thought. He ultimately conceded that, however reluctantly, Spock and Bones were friends - well, more like frenemies, really. Love to hate and hate to love and all that jazz. But still - Spock chose to hang out with Bones instead of meeting Jim? Jim tried to ignore that sting he felt at that. So what? They had had a little tiff and Spock decided he didn't wanna show up? Well, that was fine with Jim. He didn't need Spock to meet him after every away mission, just to watch him look all stoic and disapproving. To hell with that, he wasn't some baby that needed Spock to comfort him after every mission - he was the Captain, dammit.

Still, the thought didn't leave Jim's mind as made his way to his quarters, greeting crewmembers appropriately as he passed them in the corridor. He finally reached his quarters and entered his code to the room, stepping inisde and then stopping dead.

Something was... not right. These were not his quarters. They were much too big to be his quarters and that was saying something see as he had the biggest quarters on the ship - perk of being captain and all that. But this room was almost double the size of his, as if two rooms had been combined. His head shot from side to side, eyes scanning every part of the room he could see; a large unmade bed in the centre, there were double the standard amount of dressers and cabinets, the door leading to the bathroom was closed, a larger desk than what he was used to with not one but two seats, a shared computer terminal, and his bookshelf was now weighed down with even more books - some he didn't recall ever owning and they were... Vulcan? Jim stepped closer to get a better look, eyes narrowed in a mix of confusion and suspicion. Where was he? What the hell was going on? This was not his room and yet...

There was something oddly... homey... about the room. The spicy scent that lingered in the air, the neat and yet somehow cluttered way in which things were organised, and the ever-encompassing heat that should have made him feel like he was burning but didn't. A peculiar familiarity about the place swept over Jim and he felt at _home_. Which was impossible because this wasn't his home. He didn't know where he was. But it wasn't home - it wasn't his.

He didn't know why that hurt to admit.

His thoughts were disturbed by the swishing open of the bathroom door and Spock stepping out of the room, running a comb through his hair.

"Spock!" Jim started and then fell silent. Thoughts of his unusual surroundings were swept from his mind as he turned to the Vulcan. He wanted to apologise for their fight earlier - he didn't want to be mad at Spock - but then he remembered how Spock hadn't met him in the transporter room and a sense annoyance settled over him. Trying to tame his childish temper, he crossed his arms.

"Captain." Spock greeted formally, "how was your mission?"

"Yeah, it - it was fine. Great, in fact. I thought you were with _Leonard_." Jim commented airily, and immediately felt guilt for the distaste with which he had said Bones' name. Bones was his best friend and Spock was his - well wasn't really certain where he and Spock stood. But he wouldn't do that to Bones - he was practically his brother and had saw Jim through some of the rougher years at the academy with only mild complaining. And, yes, he knew he was being ridiculous (he had currently had bigger fish to fry) but it stung that Spock had chosen Bones over him. An uncomfortable feeling curled inside his gut at the thought.

"I was. I apologise for not meeting you upon your arrival but Leonard appears to to be feeling ill and so I stayed with him." Spock replied, completely oblivious to Jim's mood, as he set down the comb on a nearby dresser and began to pull on his shoes.

"It's fine." It wasn't. Jim's mind was a whirlpool of confusion and a probably unhealthy dose of jealousy. Spock stayed with Bones because he was feeling sick? Jim, as a person, wasn't really falling short in the empathy department but 1. since when were Spock and Bones so close 2. when did Spock _ever_ refer to Bones as _Leonard_ \- it was always Doctor McCoy this and Doctor McCoy that and 3. no offence, but Bones was a doctor, CMO in fact - surely he could handle feeling a little under the weather? What did he need Spock for?

Something wasn't right. The room, the Spock and the Bones, and wait - why was Spock in his room? Why was he getting dressed in his room? So many questions raced through his mind and the only sound that came out was an unintelligible "uhh" while Spock went about getting dressed. Jim watched him feebly, heart pounding against his chest uncomfortably.

"I am required on the bridge now." Spock announced, pulling his blue tunic over his head and making his way over to Jim, stopping before him. His face was blank but his eyes looked concerned, eyebrows drawing together. "Are you alright, Jim? You do not look well.

Jim blinked. "Tired," he croaked, "just tired, s'all."

"Perhaps you should rest, then," Spock commented, and Jim could only nod. "Leonard is currently taking a nap and I shall meet you all in the mess for dinner after my shift. Please rest until then."

And then Spock kissed him.

It was chaste enough to get a pastor's approval but this was Spock! A mere pressing together of lips, really, but it was Spock kissing him. Spock! Jim's brain appeared to have short circuited and he barely registered when Spock pulled away, only aware of the bright smile on his face that should not have been there just because Spock kissed him! And his heart shouldn't have leapt at the affectionate look Spock was giving him, eyes crinkled at the corners, but it did anyway.

"Goodbye, vaksurik," Spock said before turning and making his way out of the room, a final glance thrown over his shoulder before the door slammed shut. It left Jim standing stock still in the room, feeling positively starstruck.

He definitely wasn't in Kansas anymore, that was for sure.

Stumbling over to the bed, he sat down, fingers running softly over his lips, still pondering the sudden turn of events when he felt something move beneath him. Whether it was stress, anxiety, or the sheer terrifying and yet somehow exciting nature of the current situation, Jim couldn't help it - he bounced off of the bed and screamed.

A small head popped out from beneath the sheets - a bleary blue-eyed, brown curly-haired child with chubby olive cheeks, tiny slanted eyebrows, and little pointed ears.

"Feel sick," was the only thing the toddler said, rubbing a tiny little hand over his eyes and yawning.

"Who are - what are you doing?" Jim breathed. There was a child in his bed. A child. In his bed. In his not-room.

"Take nap." The child replied and Jim would swear years later that his heart actually stopped beating for a second as Spock's words echoed in his head, _"Leonard is currently taking a nap."_

"Leonard?" Jim asked, hoping and praying to every deity he knew that this was not the case.

"Yes, daddy?"

"Daddy." Jim huffed out a breathless laugh and then promptly fainted.

  
-

  
Jim didn't know how long he was out for. He awoke to the sound of a hushed whisper and a heavy weight on his chest. His head had been cushioned on a pillow and a blanket had been thrown over him but he was still very much laying on the ground from where he had fainted an undetermined time ago.

"Daddy, up!" A voice whispered very close to his face, close enough that he could feel heat radiating on his cheeks. The weight on his chest shifted until he could feel a small button nose pressed firmly against his. "Daddy!"

Jim's eyes flew open and he was again met with the piercing blue of those familiar eyes - his eyes.

"Daddy up!" There was a delighted squeal from above the toddler sitting on his chest beamed brightly at him.

"What - who - where am I? What's going on?" Jim asked, and the memories flooded back to him. So it wasn't a crazy dream. He felt his heart start to race again in a blinding panic. Oh no.

"Uncle Bones coming." The child - Leonard, Jim reminded himself - said.

"Bones? He's coming here?" Jim said, scrambling up from the floor. The kid was heavy for a child of roughly three years old, Jim presumed, as he held him in his arms. Must be those Vulcan genetics of his. Spock weighed a ton too. The blanket that had been draped over him fell to the floor and the toddler clutched his shirt between his small chubby fists.

"Uncle Bones coming," Leonard repeated in confirmation, and then in explanation, "daddy fall."

"Daddy fall." Jim repeated back to him, feeling dazed. The toddler nodded seriously.

As if on cue, the door to his room slid open and McCoy came in carrying a first aid kit, looking hassled.

"The kid said you had a fall." McCoy said, throwing the medical bag onto the bed and scanning him with a tricorder before he even had a chance to reply. "Your readings are a little off - blood pressure is up, heart rate accelerated - did you hit your head? What happened down on the surface?"

The questions were flying at him faster than he could keep up in his dazed state. The unintelligible "uhh" was once again his response.

Bones raised an eyebrow at him. "You're comin' to sickbay." He said, shoving his tricorder into his pocket before lifting the toddler out of Jim's arms and placing him on the ground, ignoring the kid's protest. "Alright, Leo, you run and play. Your daddy's gonna be fine."

There was a vicious pout thrown at Bones before the kid stomped out of the room, the door sliding shut behind him.

"Alright, Jim, let's go. You really gave those kids a fright." McCoy commented as he gathered his equipment into his arms.

"Kids? There's - there's more than one?" Jim stammered and McCoy paused, slowly turning to look at Jim, eyes wide.

"Jim, what's going on?" McCoy asked cautiously, as if Jim were extremely fragile. He certainly felt that way, if he were being completely honest.

"I don't know where I am but I don't think this is my ship." Jim explained, heart pounding uncomfortably in his chest. McCoy said something about amnesia but Jim hastily stopped him. "This isn't amnesia, Bones. I don't remember any of this because it's never happened - at least not to me. There's a kid who's calling me his dad and Spock - Spock kissed me! Spock, Bones!"

"Those kids are callin' you their dad because you are their dad, Jim. Y'know, your sons?" McCoy said slowly, placing a comforting hand on Jim's shoulder and watching him carefully. "And Spock kissed you because you're his husband, kid."

"Sons? Husband? Me?" Jim was shaking his head. "I don't have any sons or a husband. Spock's my friend, for crying out loud. Bones, what's going on? Where am I?"

The look McCoy gave him was inscrutable. Suddenly he was being whisked away to sickbay, shoved onto a bed and an irritatingly constant beeping kept coming from left and right was making it difficult to think straight.

"Bones! Chapel! M'Benga! What's going on?" Jim called as yet another nurse disappeared from his bed after taking some readings. He threw his head back against the mattress in frustration and exhaled heavily. The medbay door opened and Jim ignored it, angrily staring at the ceiling.

"Psst!" Jim felt someone tugging on his arm. He looked down to see not one, but three children looking up at him. Three boys - fraternal triplets as far as he could tell, each with a set of small pointed ears and slanted eyebrows. Only Leonard he recognised, the other two unfamiliar. One had black curls and blue eyes, and the other messy blonde hair and large brown eyes - Spock's eyes. One was holding a teddy bear up to him with a loud whisper of "feel better".

Jim couldn't help the smile that made its way onto his face. They were beautiful children, he couldn't deny, and they were apparently his. And Spock's. Spock who was also apparently his husband. And these were their kids. The thought repeated like a mantra in his head and it was suddenly a tad more difficult to breathe.

"What have I told you three about coming in here? You'll catch something." McCoy appeared, carrying a PADD and staring down at the three kids with the look of disapproval he usually saved for Jim. It was nice not being on the receiving end of it for once.

"Daddy sick?" The blonde haired child asked, a worried look in his deep brown eyes.

"No, daddy should be fine but your old man is gonna flip when he sees you three in here." McCoy said before turning to Jim, ignoring the pouting children. "Well, Jim, you don't have amnesia, as far as the readings can tell. You haven't hit your head, you haven't ingested anything suspicious, you're completely healthy. So, what exactly happened on the surface of that planet?"

"Nothing," Jim said truthfully. "The mission was a complete success as far as I'm concerned. The Drin priestesses were extremely co-operative and we agreed on a treaty within a fairly short space of time."

"Well then what happened between the walk from the transporter room to your quarters? What happened in your quarters?"

"They're not my quarters, Bones! And these aren't my -" Jim felt another tugging on his hand and looked down to see the blonde toddler reaching his little arms up to Jim, making grabby hands at him. He couldn't tell these kids that he wasn't their father. That would break their little hearts. Reluctantly, Jim picked the boy up and sat him on the bed. Apparently that wasn't good enough as the boy quickly crawled into his lap and lay snug against his chest, sucking his thumb, looking completely content. "I don't know what's going on, Bones. I shouldn't be here."

McCoy looked sceptical.

This was getting frustrating as hell! No one was listening to him. No one understood him or were even taking him seriously. It was infuriating.

"Where's Spock?" Jim asked. Spock would understand. He always knew what to do.

"He's on his way as we speak." McCoy replied, and, as if on cue, the medbay doors opened again and Spock strode in. Spotting them, he made a beeline towards Jim's crowded bed and - if Jim looked closely - the Vulcan looked concerned.

"Sa'mekh!" Leonard and the other boy beamed, hurling towards him and slamming themselves into the Vulcan, hugging his legs tightly.

"What have you three been told about entering the medbay unless absolutely necessary?" Spock said stoically, raising his eyebrow at them.

"Bad," Leonard said, burying his face in Spock's pant leg. Spock heaved a small, almost unnoticeable sigh.

"Yes, bad. You will distract the staff and may catch an illness." Spock explained, kneeling down and lifting them both up into his arms.

"But daddy sick," the black haired child said and Leonard nodded vigorously.

"He's not sick, Grayson," McCoy said, shaking his head, "he's just - well, I don't really know what's going on."

"I second that," Jim piped up, eyes focusing on the black haired kid. Grayson. After Spock's mother. His Spock, wherever he was, would have loved that. It made Jim smile. He wondered about the name of the little boy currently cuddled into his chest.

"Jim, ashayam, what happened?"

"I don't know. The mission was a success. But this - " Jim looked down at the kid in his arms and the two in Spock's and paused. "Can we talk in private?" He asked, subtly nodding to the kids.

Spock picked up on his clue and nodded. "Grayson, Leonard, Christopher, please return to your room," he said, setting the children down on the floor. Jim did the same with Christopher.

Christopher. After Pike. Jim felt a tear sting his eyes and couldn't blink it away. He looked down at his hands to hide his face, barely listening to Spock escorting the kids out and their resulting protests. Jim managed to huff out a laugh and reached a hand up to brush away the tears, hoping no one noticed.

Pike was still a sore spot, even now. He never did quite come to terms with the admiral's death. It was like losing the only parent he ever felt really loved him. He had been so angry about it for so long and he had hated Pike, resented him for promising that everything would be okay and then leaving him. He'd realised after a while that he was being ridiculous and had overcome his anger to mourn the man but even now it still hurt to think about him. He would have been overjoyed that Jim had named his kid after him. Now Jim would never get to see his reaction if he ever had kids.

"Jim? Are you alright?" He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. He blinked away the last of his tears and nodded, ignoring the ache deep within him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, and inhaled deeply. He couldn't fall apart, not now. He was Captain James T. Kirk and he needed to get back to his ship. He let out the breath he had been holding and looked up, determined. "I don't know what's going on but this is not my ship. And I don't have amnesia or hit my head or eat anything dangerous or - or -"

"We get it, Jim."

"No, you don't get it, Bones. I don't have kids! And Spock! You're not -" Jim paused for a second, looking into the Vulcan's stoic face, and he said quietly, "you're not my husband. I don't know what happened, I don't know what's going on, and I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do but I need to get back to my ship. I'm not crazy. If I could show you I would but -" Jim stopped, an idea coming to mind. "A meld! Spock, you can meld with me! And you can see that I'm telling the truth."

Spock looked reluctant. "If your mind is unstable then there is a possibility that a meld could be damaging. I am not sure I am willing to make that risk."

"I've been in a meld before." Jim replied, and then added testily, "and I'm not unstable."

There a minute frown on the Vulcan's otherwise expressionless face. Jim rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh.

"Come on. The faster we get it over with, the faster we can fix this."

McCoy and Spock shared a hesitant look and that familiar spark of jealousy flared within Jim. He cleared his throat to redirect their attention.

"Very well. I will initaite a meld and if you are telling the truth," Spock conceded, ignoring Jim's outburst of "I am!" and continued, "then we will put our best efforts into correcting the current situation."

"Thank you," Jim breathed a sigh of relief.

"Please come closer." Spock ordered, raising his hand. Jim complied, shuffling closer to the Vulcan and feeling his fingers arrange themselves on his psi-points. Spock was close enough that Jim could feel the heat radiating off of him and the gentle brush of his breath. Butterflies erupted in Jim's stomach and he tried steady his breathing as heat rushed to cheeks.

"My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts," Spock murmured and suddenly Jim wasn't alone in his thoughts.

The meld was unlike the one with the ambassador. It was more calm and Spock's presence was like a gentle heat in his mind, an amber ray of light that permeated through his head and lit up even the darkest corners of his mind. It reminded him of lazy summers in Iowa with the sun blazing in the sky and heavy scent of honeysuckle wafting through the air.

It felt like home.

Suddenly Spock was gone, leaving his mind feeling oddly hollow and cold. He felt alone. He brushed the thoughts aside and focused back on the First Officer and CMO.

"He speaks the truth," Spock announced, sounding disbelieving even despite his monotonous tone. McCoy's eyebrows shot up to his hair line. Jim felt his shoulders slump as the pent up tension left his body. Finally. Finally they believed him. "While this is Jim Kirk, he is from another reality. A parallel universe, if you will." Spock said, eyebrows drawing together. "One where he is still Captain of the Enterprise but we are not married and, subsequently, our children do not exist."

"So if he's here, where the hell is _our_ Jim?" McCoy asked, staring at Jim suspiciously - almost accusatory.

"Unknown. Logically, we can theorise that they have swapped consciousness and our captain may currently be in Jim's universe."

"Can't you use that Vulcan mind marriage voodoo to find out?"

"Unfortunately not. Due to the telepathic nature of the Drin, Jim's mind was shielded before he departed for the mission. He would require myself or someone with the ability to perform a meld to lower his shields as his own ability to do so is," Spock paused, thinking for the right word, "questionable, at best."

Jim couldn't help the snort that escaped him. "Well what if Spock - my Spock - melds with him? Would that work?"

Spock's face darkened. He did not seem to like the idea of someone else meddling with his husband's head, even if it technically was himself. "Uncertain. There is a significant possibility that my Jim's mind is relatively unstable. He has been torn away from his children and husband and is likely experiencing great distress. It would not be wise to initiate a meld in that state."

"I guess my Spock would be a little unstable as well. Definitely wouldn't be wise."

"Indeed?"

"Yeah, Bones said his mental state has been a little off since the Narada Incident."

"What's that?"

"What's what?" Jim's eyes darted between the two blank face. "The Narada Incident? It - it didn't happen here? Of course it didn't happen here. It wasn't even supposed to happen, not really."

"I do not recall any Narada Incident."

"Well, to summarise because I'd rather not discuss it at length," Jim began awkwardly, "the Narada Incident was when a rogue Romulan called Nero came from an alternate universe and killed my dad and then twenty five years later destroyed the planet Vulcan, killing six billion Vulcans in the process - making them an endangered race - and also led to Spock's mom's death. I mean, it happened years ago but that shit obviously stays with someone." Jim hated how apathetic his description sounded - it didn't do justice for the absolute horror of the incident but he didn't think he could live through it all again just to tell a story.

The silence that fell was deafening, interrupted only by the beeping of nearby equipment. McCoy's jaw was slack, eyes wide in horror and Spock stood in stunned silence.

"I'd rather not go into details. I'm sorry that I even mentioned it. Just - can we," Jim sighed, running a hand over his face, "can we focus on the task at hand? Please?"

"Of course," Spock recovered first and nodded in assent. "We must figure out exactly how you arrived here and also how to replicate those conditions. What do you recall before you arrived?"

"I beamed up. That's it, really," Jim shrugged, feeling a little hopeless, "it was, by all means, an ordinary mission. I can't think of anything that would have caused it or -"

"Wait," McCoy spoke up, interrupting Jim, "didn't Uhura pick up on odd transmission on her frequency before the mission? And Chekov picked up weird signals on the scanners?"

"You are correct, Doctor." Spock agreed, "The ship registered the beginnings of an ion storm in the region."

"Maybe the ion storm interfered with the transporter beams, I mean, it's been theorized but never actually proven." Jim said excitedly. This could be his ticket home. "And ion storms, they leave residue scattered from their initial locations, usually resulting in almost microstorms. They're small but still charged. We just have to find one and we can replicate the transporter conditions."

"Jim, you are suggesting we beam you directly into an ion storm. You could end up anywhere."

"Or everywhere," McCoy said with shudder. His dislike of transporters transcended universal planes and barriers it would seem.

"We don't have a choice. I need to get home. Those kids need their dad back. And Spock, don't you want your husband back? And Bones, your best friend?"

"Of course we do, kid, but still," McCoy said, looking hesitant, "beaming you into an ion storm doesn't seem like a good idea."

"Do you have a better one? Because I'm all ears." Jim said, "we have no choice, not really. I want to go home and you want your Captain back."

Spock and McCoy shared that look again.

They agreed.

"We will scan the surrounding area for any ionic antivity. Ion storm residue usually surges every eight or so hours. It is a typically gradual build up before the storm surges. It should give us sufficient time to detect, locate, and isolate the storm." Spock explained.

"Now, we play the waiting game." Jim grinned.

  
-

  
As the hours passed Jim had elected to remain in sickbay, possibly for the first time in his life. He usually spent the better half of his time in the place trying to find a means to escape. McCoy suggested he sleep for a while but he just couldn't get comfortable on the stiff, clinical bio-beds. He often joked with his own McCoy that the beds were definitely designed with the intention of discouraging people from getting too comfortable in the medbay, but now he thought there might be some merit to it. He drifted in and out of sleep, merely minutes of disturbed rest for what felt like hours.

Resisting the urge to yell out in frustration, he shifted again on the bed and sighed, punching his pillow and trying to get comfortable. Nothing worked. Despite the privacy of a drawn curtain, the room was still too bright with it's white lights, and still too loud with all the medical equipment beeping and the medical officers strolling by. He thought longingly of his own bed, and the quiet and darkness and privacy of his own room.

A thought struck him. Spock was on the bridge. The room was empty. Maybe, just maybe, he could slip in for a quick nap before the Vulcan's shift was over. Tempted, he got up off the bed and yanked the curtain aside, letting a passing nurse know where he was headed before making his way to the room.

This Enterprise was almost identical to his own. The crew was the same, with the exception that this ship had a greater number of Vulcans on it. It was an unusual experience to walk through the corridors of the ship, so familiar but not quite right.

Crewmembers greeted him politely. Were they aware of the situation? Had Spock told the crew? If he were being honest, Jim was much too tired to really care. He hadn't slept in so long and his bed was calling out to him like some kind of siren.

He reached his room and paused briefly. What if Spock was inside? Would he mind that Jim wanted to use the room for a nap? Hesitant, Jim keyed in his personal code and the door swished opened. Inside was empty. Jim breathed a little easier as he stepped inside, that ever-engulfing heat almost soothing.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled off his boots. He would be sleeping in his uniform, he had decided. He was not going to risk Spock finding him in his underwear. Despite his tired, Jim was curious. Glancing around the room, his curiosity won out and he stood up. Wandering around the room, he inspected everything carefully.

On the bookshelf there were several holos. One was Jim and Spock on what appeared to be their wedding day. They were dressed in tuxedos (his own a navy blue and Spock's a satin black) in what was clearly a Terran ceremony. Another picture showed the same ceremony but they were surrounded by people. Jim's eyes flew across the picture, most faces familiar. He stopped on one particular face, almost dropping the holo. There stood a tanned-skin, blue-eyed, blonde-haired man - his father, George Kirk. Handsome as Jim remembered from the old holos, he was now older with hints of grey in his blonde hair and wrinkles around his eyes but he was smiling broadly with an arm thrown around Jim's shoulders. Jim blinked away the burning tears in his eyes. Pike was there as well, and Amanda, and some Vulcans - and humans - Jim didn't really recognise but assumed were Spock's family. He placed the holo back down and picked up another. It appeared to be a second wedding ceremony - a Vulcan one. He was wearing white robes with intricate golden designs and Spock was dressed in matching black robes with silver designs. Another holo showed three pointed eared babies and Jim smiled. The next holo was a very teary Pike holding one of the babies with a look of absolute shock but also delight on his face. Had he just been told the baby was named after him? Jim tried to picture his own Pike and his smile widened.

Other holos showed pictures of Jim and Spock at the academy with a very grumpy McCoy, the crew, of the children growing up, of Vulcan and Earth. Jim placed the last holo back onto the bookshelf and stepped away, jealousy flaring within him. Why couldn't he have all this? His parents, Pike, Spock, those kids - everything that the other Jim Kirk had? Why did have to lose his parents (because after George's death, his mom never felt like a parent, not really)? Lose Pike? And Amanda? And Vulcan? Why did it have to be him?

Jim turned on his heel and made his way to the bathroom. He woud freshen up a little before heading to bed. The bathroom, which he usually shared with Spock anyway, was still small but definitely bigger than his own. The bathtub was littered with bath toys - rubber ducks and colourful plastic boats - and the room had a soapy-blueberry scent lingering. There were five toothbrushes (three, if Jim remembered correctly from babysitting Joanna McCoy, that played music when brushing) sat in a cup beside the sink and three small stepping stools were stacked up tucked away neatly under said sink. Colourful fresh towels decorated with whales, and fish, and other sea-life hung over the rail on the wall and Jim was struck once again with that feeling of envy. Brushing the thought aside, he doused his face with water and dried it on a nearby towel.

It was then that he heard a noise from behind the door on the other side of the bathroom. Like something had been knocked over. Normally, that would have been Spock's room. Curious, Jim made his way over to the door, casting a glance back at his own. Just as he neared the door it opened with a hiss and startled him. The room was dark. He stepped inside and ordered the lights to fourty percent.

What he saw made his heart swell and a smile break out on his face. This was the kids' room. One that, as a child, he himself had dreamed of having. There were toys strewn all around the room, including a scooter and a hoverboard Jim had always wanted as a kid. There was a child's table with three little chairs, each a different colour, and the table was littered with both blank and drawn-on paper, crayons, markers, glitter, and glue - it was a total mess, really. The pale blue walls were decorated with pinned up drawings and stickers. There was a large fish tank in the corner, bubbling silently as various fish swam around looking content. Jim couldn't help but think that the room was so - _so human_. But there were Vulcan elements too - rolled up meditation mats in the corner, the Vulcan puzzles of _pleenok_ and _kal-toh_ hidden amongst the mess of toys, and a chess board (the missing pieces replaced with those tiny green, plastic soldiers and what appeared to be monopoly pieces).

There were three small beds and Jim's breathing stopped when he realised thay they were in fact occupied by three sleeping children. Grayson, he remembered by his black curls, was laying peacefully on the bed, his blankets pooled at the bottom of his bed. Leonard lay bundled up with his own blankets curled over his shoulder, snuggled into a teddy bear that seemed to have fangs. They both slept silently. Christopher, on the other hand, was a whole other story. He was sprawled across the bed, limbs tangled up in his sheets - both him and his blanket practically hanging off the edge - and snoring quietly. There was an alarm clock laying face-down on the floor beside him, which Jim suspected was the noise he had heard earlier. Jim bit his lip to stifle his laughter.

Jim walked over the boy silently and carefully lifted him so he was no longer at risk of falling onto the floor. Christopher didn't wake. There was a tugging at Jim's heart as he looked down at the toddler. He smiled, almost sad, as he bent down to pick uo the alarm clock off of the floor.

"He will only knock it over again."

Jim jerked and the alarm clock once again found itself face-planted into the floor. Hand over his heart and his breath coming in quick succession, he rounded on the voice.

"Warn a guy, Spock!" Jim whispered, heart still beating uncomfortably, "I almost went into cardiac arrest."

"I apologise for startling you." Spock replied quietly, although he didn't look very apologetic - in fact, he looked rather amused. "Doctor McCoy informed me you had left medbay a short while ago."

"Oh, yeah," Jim muttered, "sorry - it's just that the beds in sickbay are so uncomfortable so I thought I'd come take a nap while you were on shift but I guess I lost track of time. Didn't realise your shift was over." He looked around the room, eyes falling back on the kids, and added, "I didn't mean to intrude. I heard a noise and the door just opened when I went near it."

"It is of no consequence. The doors are motion-sensor due to the fact that the children are too short to reach the control panel." Spock replied, crossing the room. Jim stifled another laugh at the comment, watching as the Vulcan reached Grayson's bed and gently pulled the blankets back over his son. It was definitely odd - seeing Spock so gentle and yet still so Spock. His movements were clearly controlled and measured, and yet their was a softness there that Jim was unfamiliar with.

"Grayson, right?" Jim prompted, despite already knowing, as Spock gathered up several toys into his arms, "that's his name, isn't it?"

"Yes. He is named after my mother," Spock nodded, gathering up more toys, "she was, as humans say, thrilled."

"I'm sure she was." Jim agreed. Glancing around, he too began to pick up toys in order to do something other than stand around and look pretty. Spock placed them into an open toy chest so Jim did the same. "Is she..." he stopped and thought, "is she alive? Your mom, I mean."

"She is," Spock replied. "She currently resides on Vulcan with my father in our clan home."

"And Vulcan is still..." Jim trailed off uncomfortably. Spock only nodded as he began picking up clothes from the floor and folding them neatly. He placed them into a nearby dresser. They worked in silence as they cleaned up the room until it was finally tidy, everything tucked away neatly and clothes folded and put away or in the laundry.

"Would you like to join me in the mess for a meal?" Spock asked when they were finished. Jim nodded. It had been a while since he'd eaten, he could use some food.

 

-

 

They walked to the mess hall together and chose a table in the far corner. It was relatively empty, the only on-duty staff was mostly the ghost-crew and some over-eager officers working over-time.

Jim ordered himself a chicken sandwich from the replicator, without his usual coffee - he did want to actually sleep after this meal, after all. Sitting opposite Spock, he picked silently at his food, unsure of what to talk about. He supposed he could ask about his science experiments but he doubted he could feign enough of his usual interest to appear polite.

"So," Jim prompted, "how long have you and Jim known each other?"

Spock replied, "thirteen-point-seven-nine years."

Jim gave a low whistle. He had only known his own Spock a short while compared to that. "Have you been together that long?"

The Vulcan considered his question before answering, "not precisely, no."

"What do you mean 'not precisely'?"

"We had a difficult beginning." Spock said. "Perhaps difficult is not the correct term. I believe you would say a 'rocky start'."

"How did you meet?"

"I was an instructor at Starfleet Academy and he was my student."

"Ah. Yikes." Jim nodded in understanding. "The 'Fleet are awfully strict about student-teacher fraternisation."

"Indeed." Spock replied, "and yet Jim was resolute in his attempts to flirt."

"So he had a major crush on you but you turned him down because he was your student?" Jim summarised. Well, that was still a lot better than how _he_ had met  _his_ Spock.

"Yes, however, there were other factors that had to be considered. Jim was sixteen when he joined the academy."

"I see. Vulcans don't do casual and he was too young to commit?" Jim knew little about Vulcan relationships but that was a fact he was certain of. At least he thought it was.

"That was another factor, yes." Spock agreed.

"What was the other?" Jim asked curiously, and yet he felt a spark of irritation at Spock's non-answers.

"Jim was sixteen." Spock repeated plainly, as if the answer were obvious.

"Yeah, _and_?"

"And I was thirty three."

Jim choked on his food and tried to disguise it as a cough. "So you were over double his age? And he still tried to pursue you? Even when you turned him down? _And you were double his age?_ "

"Persistently." Spock replied. "Despite that a relationship was unfeasible, I found him to be... endearing."

"You thought he was cute." Jim smiled. "Wait. That would mean that you," he looked at Spock, eyes sweeping across his features - he looked just as Jim remembered him, not a hair out of place, "you're almost fifty."

"Almost, yes. I am fourty-seven-point-six-five standard years of age." Spock replied. "Is that not the case in your own reality?"

"No. Spock is three, maybe four, years older than I am." Jim replied. "And he was never my instructor. I mean, he was _an_ instructor - just not _mine_. When did you and your Jim get together? Did you wait until his eighteenth birthday to ravish him?"

If Vulcans ever rolled their eyes, Spock was definitely doing it right at that second. "No, I did not ravish him on his eighteenth birthday."

Jim smirked.

"Jim graduated the academy at nineteen and was assigned as an ensign on the U.S.S Vanguard. He was later promoted to lieutenant at twenty three. I ravished him then."

Jim's water caught in his throat at the unexpected comment, eyes tearing up as he struggled for breath. Spock looked amused. "And then?" Jim wheezed because, despite his teasing, he was genuinely interested in hearing another way in which he and Spock could have met.

"We continued our relationship despite serving aboard different vessels. Jim was promoted to commander at twenty five and served aboard the U.S.S Farragut. I was serving aboard the Enterprise under Captain Pike. Jim transferred to the Enterprise and we married. Eventually, Jim was promoted to Captain when Pike retired. He was twenty seven. We had our children the following year."

"Did you always want kids?"

"It was something we had discussed, yes."

Jim almost laughed. "Something you had discussed? Were they something you had _planned_?"

The look on Spock's face said it all.

"Nevertheless," Spock continued without really answering, "we are grateful for our children."

"They seem like great kids." Jim commented, and then shrugged, adding playfully, "and I guess you're an alright husband."

Spock didn't smile but it was a near thing. "I should hope so. I shall always seek to be more than an 'alright' husband for him."

Jim was struck by the sincerity of his words, that previously tame feeling of jealousy threatening to once again claw its way out his chest. "You really love him, don't you?"

"He is my t'hy'la," Spock replied simply, and the word somehow rang a bell in Jim's mind and yet was completely unfamiliar, "he is the other half of my soul."

"That sounds nice," Jim mumbled, scraping the leftover salad on his plate around with his fork.

"Do you seek a similar relationship with your own Spock?" Spock asked.

"What? No!" Jim replied, almost defensively. Spock raised an eyebrow at him. Jim sighed and conceded, "maybe. My Spock is... well, he's a great guy and I like him a lot but he doesn't see me that way. He probably sees me as that cadet that cheated on his test and years later somehow managed to become his captain." He thought back to their earlier argument. "You know, I think he still sees me as some dumb kid that got to command by chance."

Spock looked amused. "I am certain he holds you in a similar regard that you hold him."

Jim frowned. What the hell did that mean? His own feeling about Spock changed drastically on the daily. His mood change from laughing and clapping him on the shoulder to wanting to strangle him in a matter of seconds when it came to Spock. He hoped to high hell that Spock didn't ever feel like strangling him again. That shit hurt.

"I guess he sees us as friends. He definitely still sees me as a dumb kid who can't make his own decisions, though." Jim shrugged, continuing to play with his food. He felt like a damn teenage girl with a stupid crush. Still, it felt nice to openly talk about it with someone other than McCoy and maybe Scotty once (but he could barely remember that night he had been so drunk so maybe that time didn't count).

Spock's eyes flicked down to Jim's plate. "I can't imagine why he would liken you to a child." Jim opened his mouth to protest that statement but Spock was quick, "even my toddlers do not play with their food."

Jim glared at him as he stabbed a piece of wilted lettuce with his fork and shoved it into his mouth. He was about to retort something scathingly witty when Spock's comm beeped.

_"Commander Spock. The isolated ion storm is beginning to surge. It will ignite in fifteen minutes. Elliot out."_

"Show time." Jim said.

  
-

  
"I am still uncertain that this is the wisest course of action. We can research other methods that will allow you to safely transport back to your own reality."

Jim stood on the transporter pad, determined. "Nope. Spock, you and I both know that that could take months, maybe even years. This is our only hope."

Truthfully, Jim didn't want to stay in this reality. He left it unsaid, of course. It was a reminder of all the things he could have had had things turned out differently, all the things he had lost, and all of the things that he couldn't have. He wouldn't admit it but it hurt. And he was ready to leave.

"Spock, please." Jim said, eyes pleading. The Vulcan still looked wary before a heaved a small sigh and nodded.

"Very well," he agreed, "energise."

Jim felt the familiar tingling sensation of the transporter and his heart leaped in his chest. He was going home. "Bye, Spock. It was nice meeting you."

"Live long and prosper, Jim."

And then everything went black.

  
-

  
Jim felt himself re-materialise. His eyes shot open. Spock! Spock was here! Jim stepped off of the pad but then froze.

Since when did Spock wear crowns?

"Oh, you have to be fucking _kidding_ me."

 

**Author's Note:**

> vulcan translations:  
> vaksurik - beautiful  
> sa'mekh - father  
> ashayam - beloved  
> pleenok and kal-toh - vulcan puzzles used by children to train them in logic
> 
>  
> 
> also im really struggling to think of other universes for this story?? i think i have the usual cliché ones (bc i'm a slut for a good cliché lmao) but fr maybe drop some suggestions of what universe you would like to see?


End file.
